All of the feelings

Note: I wrote this post a while back and didn’t publish it because of safety concerns. I now feel that I can share this. I’d also like to add that there are many organizations that can help women in need of safety. I have since signed up to raise money for a local organization that does this. Be safe, be well, and be kind. 

I’m having a bit of a moment over here. The moment seems to have started yesterday morning, and shows no sign of letting up. And I’m feeling all of the feelings: sadness, anger, anxiety, despair, hopefulness, and right back into sadness and despair and anger. For once though, they’re not for myself.

I’m feeling these feelings because someone I know, an acquaintance, is having a shit time. And she had no one else to ask for help. And we are doing all we can to help while keeping ourselves safe, but I cannot stop feeling. Because she never should have been driven to ask almost strangers for help. Because the services provided to women in need should have been enough. But there needs to be more. Because she knew she needed to be somewhere else, and was strong enough to make that happen. Because in helping, we are now in the middle of a shit situation.

And I cannot not help. I don’t have it in me. I am smart. I am wary. I am kind. I am hopelessly giving. I will do everything I can without endangering myself and those I love. But it’s been pointed out to me that every action, even in helping, has a consequence. But the consequences of not helping are far worse. Right?

We need to be better. The world can be such a terrible place, but it would be so much worse if we didn’t help. I need to find a way to do more. So much more.

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