The Age-Old Question

No, not does God exist, or is there a higher power in the universe. Nothing about what’s for dinner. I mean this – is it all in my head?

Is this – all of this – in my head?

This illness that they thought was a sinus infection but hasn’t gone away after two different antibiotics – is the pain and discomfort and exhaustion all in my head?

Last year when I had so much pressure in my face and it hurt all the time – was that it my head? (No, that’s migraines.)

My doctor on the phone tonight “I just think this is above my pay grade. You’re complicated.” I’m COMPLICATED.

I had an IUD implanted a few years ago and I felt some twinges in the 4 week resting period. Was it in my head? No. The IUD perforated my uterus and wrapped itself around my appendix.

The terrible back pain – oh it was so bad. One doctor said it wasn’t my back. The next said, of course it wasn’t my back – the MRI clearly showed the issue was my hip. Again, not in my head.

I am sick a lot. I get injured a lot. But overall I’m considered healthy. No identifiable immune issue, allergies, gluten intolerance or otherwise. And right now I am so sick. But still, after all the injuries and illnesses that AWLAYS have an answer, I’m terrified it’s all in my head. I am so afraid I’m making it all up, playing tricks on myself.

Is this all in my head?

But the doctor that calls me complicated will see me tomorrow, and he’ll do what he can do. And if it’s not enough, he’ll find another doctor to do more. He’ll even make sure my insurance covers that new doctor. I’ve been his patient for 17 years. I am lucky to have a doctor that knows me so well and trusts me. Even when I say “but really, I’m starting to think this is all in my head.”

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