I am eating brownies in bed

Before you do anything else, bookmark this recipe. I have renamed them Pandemic Brownies.

It’s been almost a week since my last post. I made pita bread. I started a new book. I finished reading The Mouse and the Motorcycle to my nephews. I’ve done laundry, walked the dog, cooked meals, enjoyed some wine, worked Monday through Friday, exercised, slept, had bad dreams, Zoomed with my family on my sisters birthday, played DnD, slept through a game of DnD, and here we are.

It’s Wednesday evening and I’m eating brownies in bed. Because even though I’m doing all the “right” things, more days than not I just want to lie low.  I don’t want to video chat because I’m on them all day for work. I want to read, but I’ve had this on-again off-again migraine for over a week now. I’m still so tired. So to balance out all the “right” things, I’m doing things that might be frowned upon. Like a drink at the end of the day, more frequently than before. Brownies in bed. Starting multiple books at once. Napping on my “lunch break”.  Crying before 10 am. Balance. Or something.

I’ve also been trying to find joy. Not long ago I came across a Kim Addonizio poem, To The Woman Crying Uncontrollably in the Next Stall, and ever since, part of the last line has stuck with me. “Listen I love you joy is coming.”

Joy is coming. That’s what I’m hanging on to right now, knowing that there is joy coming. Maybe just a spark or silver or hint, or even a big uproarious bubble of it. But it is coming. So, where have I found joy lately?

In baking bread.

And in the coming season.

I hope you can find joy, too, sometimes.

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