I’ve been having trouble sleeping again. It’s been a few weeks now, and I think is most likely because of medication changes. I need to wait it out until mid-March and see how it goes. I’m tapering off a med that makes me sleepy, and have started a med to try to curb the exhaustion I feel all the time. Am I so very, very tired because I’m chronically ill? Or am I tired because I’m depressed? Or is it because we’re a year into the pandemic here and it has been so awful and mismanaged that we’ve all run through whatever reserves we had (if any) and are on pandemic autopilot?

It’s all of these things, and also, most likely the full moon too. Because why not take it from all sides? My current struggle is a question of to nap, or not to nap. The genetic syndrome I have makes my body work overtime, all the time for basic functions. Following that line of treatment, I should take whatever rest and sleep I can get whenever I can get it. Oh, but what if the naps contribute to the tossing and turning and surface sleeping all night? What else am I missing?

This weekend’s experiment will be to stay awake all day and see if it affects my sleep at night. It is possible to rest when not sleeping, so I’ll grab a book (The Once and Future Witches) or watch a series or listen to The Midnight Library, read by Carey Mulligan. I will slowly build new shelves for my home office. I will walk the dog and snuggle the cats. I will stay under my weighted blanket on the couch as long as I can. I will try to take care of myself. I will do whatever I can to sleep at night.

How do you untangle a knot when you can’t see all the threads? Will any of this make a difference?

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