I am by far, not the first, or only, person to say this. But being chronically ill in the time of COVID is fucking exhausting. It is exhausting on a mental, physical and soul sucking level that I was not prepared for. But what we know now, more than anything else about COVID, is that … Continue reading Chronic illness in a pandemic
Kitchen Sink
New year, same me
Sunrise after an early pilates class It's a new year. I've recently started reading and trying to follow intuitive eating, so for once there are no goals attached to weights, measurements, pant sizes and workouts per week. My goal is to try to let my body recover from years of restricting and binging. I guess … Continue reading New year, same me
Legos, earworms and laughter
Last night M and I had a moment of pure brightness - shared laughter and a moment when we felt like ourselves for a flash. We were looking through the Lego catalog that came in the mail when M pointed out a Hundred Acre Wood set. This, of course, got me thinking about my love … Continue reading Legos, earworms and laughter
Sleep
I've been having trouble sleeping again. It's been a few weeks now, and I think is most likely because of medication changes. I need to wait it out until mid-March and see how it goes. I'm tapering off a med that makes me sleepy, and have started a med to try to curb the exhaustion … Continue reading Sleep
Coffee in bed
Recently I've been thinking about rituals, the things we do for ourselves that help us keep moving, help us through. I suppose it's close to self-care, but self-care has been hijacked to be synonymous with spending money on oneself. You don't have to spend money to take care of yourself, though a haircut or manicure … Continue reading Coffee in bed
Goals
In the last year I’ve learned that I have to work really, really hard to keep my body together. I’ve also learned that I find joy through food, especially when the pleasures of friends and family and travel are absent. In October I began physical therapy (full body strength training) three times a week in … Continue reading Goals
How did I get here
I am that woman from the movie, the scene where she gets ready for bed, while talking to her husband. She’s looking at her phone, picking a book from the stack on her nightstand, chatting the whole time about nothing. She climbs in bed. She takes of her ring. Then, she moisturizes her hands. I … Continue reading How did I get here
A small glass
Today I am without a migraine or headache for the first time in 11 days. I am exhausted and relieved, and annoyed at health insurance that balks at providing more than one type of treatment. It was relatively warm for Northeastern Massachusetts today so I took a (masked) walk with Watson and a close friend … Continue reading A small glass
The end of a season
And so much more but at the same time, nothing at all. I am terrified nothing will change come November. I heard the geese this morningSaw the undulating v through the blinds as I wokeFall is here Prepare for the quiet ending of a season And nothing else
Words of wisdom from my sister
CW: Disordered eating, surgery My sister and I are really close. We text most days, and talk a few times a month. We live 3,000 miles apart in different time zones, so text helps bridge those gaps in time and place. Not too long ago, though maybe it was almost a year at this point … Continue reading Words of wisdom from my sister
Alphabetic Fate 